i'm writing you this letter because i believe i owe you an apology. i have blamed you for so many things that transpired in my life. i've even blamed you for the unsightly pouches on my arms and belly.
you see, i've always felt that you liked me too much. unfortunately, i have never felt the same way about you. so whenever you were around i'd turn to Biscuit for comfort. (Biscuit has also been sending me mixed signals, so i get to the point sometimes when i don't know if she is a friend or a foe. i know she'd never talk behind my back but she always has a way of interrupting me in everything that i do. perhaps i should write to her and ask her politely about some things—especially about how she's so insensitive about hanging out at my house all the time!)
in the last few months, i have noticed a tremendous change in our relationship. yes, yours and mine. i appreciate the fact that you're still around ready to give me a hug anytime (even at times when i don't need it) and share a whole plate of carbonara with me. but i know at the bottom of my heart that something has changed. although i still feel that you like me with the same intensity, your presence does not turn me cold and make me run to my room anymore. the screaming that i’d always hear inside my head is also almost nil.
here's something that you should know, Stress.
i asked Biscuit something one time while we were hanging out in the kitchen. i was very shy to ask but i knew i'd had to drop the question sooner or later anyway.
“do i like or hate Stress more now?” i finally asked.
Biscuit stared at me for what was quite a while before she spoke. i think she was trying to choose her words carefully.
“Stress has always been kind of different from the others and i think you know that. the only reason why Stress followed you around was that zie thought you reciprocated the admiration. zie thought you were just playing hard-to-get,” Biscuit looked down, and her forehead creased as she delved deeper into her thoughts.
“reciprocate the admiration?” was all i could manage to say.
Biscuit continued, “clear as the great blue sky. when you'd feel that the world's working against you, or if you're feeling depressed uselessly or you're in a frantic mood, stress would feel zie is compelled to come to you. that is the kind of attraction zie knows. Stress comes from a family that likes to assume, you know.”
i finished my tea before i finally asked, “and why has Stress been so distant lately?”
“zie felt that that you've been happy, and Stress realized that maybe...you never wanted zie’s company since the beginning. Stress kind of realized zie was wrong about you.”
i tried to step back in time to recall some huge events in my life that caused me to pull my hair apart. when bad things happened i'd teasingly look you in the eye and then you would cling on to me like a school kid in love. i was too blind to see what i was doing to you, Stress.
you have no idea how sorry i am for giving you the idea that i liked you the way that you liked me. please know that i'm ashamed of myself and that i am sincerely sorry.
we've been friends for a very long time now and although things have somehow changed, i know you will be around.
rest assured, i won't be sending you the wrong signals, ever again. and i won't blame you for my weight. never again.
your friend,
Ursula Underfivemoons
